Wife goes on...

Heard that line in the advertisement for a TV show and thought it appropriate.

I get up each day and slug through my so called life. Some days are better than others and as you are reading this you are probably wondering whats constitutes a good day.... and the answer would be any day that I get through and don't break down crying. Today was not a good day, and now that I think of it, there are few good days at all in this situation.

Tonight I had to stop at Walmart to get the usual puppy pee pee pads that have become a staple here at chez shafer. They are playing Christmas music in the store. Due to my current situation the thoughts of the upcoming holidays make me nauseous and I break out in a burning sweat. It was all I could do to get through the store, pay and get to the car. I got to church early so I went upstairs to the sanctuary where they hold Sunday services. I sat in the empty hall and wept. i miss my husband, I miss my son, I miss my family and my life. I am empty and dead inside and nothing makes it better. I put on a brave face when I step foot out the door, but even then there are times I can't keep it together.

And it just gets worse.

I pray to GOD all the time. I ask for his guidance, his advice and I feel that I am being lead to fight for my marriage. There is no anger, no malice only hurt. I feel that if my husband would just talk to me, we could resolve whatever problems we have together thus making our marriage stronger in the meantime. I pray everyday that he will accept God into his heart and be lead to give our marriage another chance.

When I got down into the gym, I was met by the mother in law of my friend who gave me and each of her daughter in laws with roses. It was a moment that I know God was working by telling me that I am loved.

I only hope this means that God is working behind the scenes and soon all will be revealed. In the meantime, while I am praying for God's help with my marriage, I need to do my homework. It has been increasingly difficult to stepout of my self wallowing to get assignments done on time, but somehow I always pull it off and a good grade to boot.