What's the Deal?

What's the Deal? Everyday I wake up and I am a slave to my emotions. Some days I am top of the world and I sail through the day without any problems. Other days, like today, I feel so low, I feel worthless and I feel imprisoned by these thoughts and emotions. I realize that my friends tell me that I am not at a point in my life where I should be focusing on a relationship of any kind, and I should be focusing on me. I can see their point, but at the same time I have spent so much of my adult life with men who couldn't or wouldn't put me first, it is something that I deeply desire. I want a man who thinks of me as his everything, a man who wants me to be happy, a man that can be happy with me and a man who can see a future for us. I know he is out there somewhere and that everything In have been through in my life has prepared me for what is to come, but why does everything in life have to be a culmination of pain. I know we grow from our experiences and we become who we are because of those experiences and sometimes we are even viewed as damaged because of them, but is it really supposed to be so damn hard?

I want to find someone who realizes how special I am and is willing to work to be with me because they can see my charisma...but then again what do I know?