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Monday, June 21, 2010

Why do MY feelings matter?

There is always a lot of discussion around people and their feelings. People will say: 'They're too sensitive', ' That's not how I saw that situation', 'Where do they get off saying that?'

Here is the deal:

Every living person who is a cognizant being has feelings. We all have time that we are happy, sad, envious, tense, bashful, embarrassed and the list goes on. Where do WE get off telling another person that their emotions are not relevant. When were we given the right to dismiss that person's feelings as silly or not important?

Somewhere along the line, we decided that we were judge and jury of our fellow man. We can tell them they are being silly, we can tell them their standards are set to high, we can tell them its never gonna happen, we can tell them anything to make them feel worse about what they are truly experiencing and quite frankly who in the hell needs to feel worse than they already do? When someone comes to you, if you are unsure of the role you are to play, ask them. Do you need an ear? DO you need a problem solver? Do you need advice? DO you need someone to be supportive? I have been known to tell people "I will listen, but if you ask for the truth, know that that is exactly what you are going get" I hold back no punches when asked for advice, I am known to be my friends biggest supporters. ( ie I will come get you, DO I need to go kick his ass, what will make you feel better, yes I am on my way with cupcakes and beer etc) I am the call you make at 4 am when you know that I have just finally gotten to sleep or am probably not even asleep yet. I am the one who will pick you up just to drive you around while you cry because HE is being an absolute idiot. I however, am also the same one who will remind you that we have discussed this a million times and my advice is still the same.

I am guilty of it myself. Thinking wow that person needs to get a grip or something equally dismissive about what they are feeling. I have also been on the receiving end of it for as long as I can remember. Grow a thicker skin, don't let others push you down, why does it matter what others think of you. Because, in short it does. We want and need to feel validated. We want someone to say 'wow, you are under a lot of stress, is there anything I can do?' we want to know that someone is willing to listen, unbiased and lend support as a friend. What we get in response is judgement and ridicule because as human as we are, we feel better about ourselves and out situation when we are making someone else seem smaller than us.

What I am trying to say is, be careful of the feelings of the next person you encounter. You never know, you might be the one listening, caring ear they have had in a long time, you might be the one who shows enough interest to stop something violent happening in that persons life, you might be the ray of light they have been begging God to send to them.

Complaining is a natural part of our existence. We all have something that we are not happy with. It is natural to want to express this displeasure to another, but the minute we cross that line and become judge, jury and executioner we have attempted to go face to face with a supreme law far beyond our understanding. I had a classmate back in 1991 who committed suicide because he felt he was in an impossible family situation and that he had no where to go and no one to turn to. There is not a week that goes by that I don't find myself helping a friend because you never know who is feeling the same way and who is looking to you for guidance.

Be careful of you impact on those around you. I have personally lived the domino effect of someone very close to me making decisions about my life without my input and dealing with the fallout when those decisions backfire. I have also been lucky enough to have friends who were there to support me and lift me up.

MY feelings matter because YOUR feelings matter.

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